UNWATCHABLE

Watchmen looked as though it would be a very cool film. I had never bothered with the source, but the translation to the big screen of Spiderman and Iron Man had been very enjoyable, so I figured this would be as well.
Certainly it started off promisingly enough, with a sort of superhero duel, and then flashback to the origins of the duel's loser and his fellows as popular superheroes. But the film, rather than zooming on from there, sank into extended ponderous introspection and mystery. Really, really extended-- Watchmen runs to a little bit shy of three hours.
Now there are some things one expects in a superhero movie and some that one does not. One expects excitement and action. One does not expect tedium and endless waiting for something to happen. Yet here we have a movie about superheroes that leads to, well, boredom.
It's possible that the ennui, the gloomy interior and navel gazing run true to the original, but if so, then so what? Film, by its nature should be more than the words on the printed page, otherwise, why go? In this case, unfortunately, there is no reason to go. Who watches the Watchmen? Who cares? Watchmen is not worth the watching....

MISSION POSSIBLE: CRUISE WALKS THE PLANK

Thanks to the rise of the multiplex, which has come with its own assortment of problems and discomforts, I have been able for many years been able to see what I want to see without supporting those who I don't wish to. The Murderator has turned into, well, not a good actor, but a caricature of an actor, and his films, written by smarter people, and directed by smarter people, are generally enjoyable. Since Risky Biz hit the silver s. I have been able to see whatever Tom C. has been up to, while ensuring that no transfer from our coffers to his takes place.
And now, it seems, more people are voting with their feet, and away from Cruise Inc. In three days, Pirates of the Caribbean II did more at the box office than Mission Impossible III did in ten weeks. Not that Tom will cry en route to the bank-- hardly likely, as overseas revenue and dvd sales will undoubtedly combine to make the picture profitable. But the fact that MI3 has been bested by two films featuring talking animals (total box office receipts to date) and was blown out of the water by a pirate movie, creates a happy glow in this quarter, where TC ranks with Windows, Automatic Transmissions and Okra in the Things We Don't Like Dept.
Which isn't to say that ticket sales are the best indication of a film's value. But like so many titans of so many other industries, in the film biz, BO is, if not everything, then at least most. Being taken down a notch or two by animated animals, a ponderous mystery, animated automobiles and a couple of other mediocre films can't help, one would hope, to instill a certain improvement in public behavior on the part of one of the globe's richest people.
Meanwhile, for us, it's back to the 'plex for another dose of rum, by gum.